Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
