I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
