How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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