is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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