It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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