I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
