chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
