I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
