I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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