were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
