I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am mentally ready for anal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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