wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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