If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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