I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize