His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
