I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
