Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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