so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
