I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
