Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
