I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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