Me too!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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