Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
