There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My brain says no but my pants say off.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
