pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Moan for me like Helen Keller
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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