Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
