Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
