remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
