you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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