my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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