GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
