Sober January is a disaster.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
