that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
