Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
