...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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