ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
