Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
