he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and i looked up. we had an audience...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
