My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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