I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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