Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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