I heard we made out
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
