If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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