youre lurking in front of me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
