im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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