I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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