There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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