sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
