you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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