Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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