why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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