The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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