he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
