just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize