if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
