highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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