My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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