I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
