I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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