he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
