i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
