No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
