you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
