I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
