I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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